July 23, 2009

Ordinary People

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We're just ordinary people,
We don't know which way to go" -John Legend




I think it's more than just a severe case of last song syndrome, I've been singing this song (actually more like trying) for how many days now and maybe because more than just the fancy piano playing and the awesome vocals of John Legend--is the grand idea that no matter how much we'd like to believe in ourselves, is the fact that there will always be moment when all of us would be just like everyone else--ordinary people.

We are naturally vulnerable, imperfect, emotional, confused and most of the time clueless. Maybe that is why superhuman or superheroes appeal to us that much because we'd love to hold to the slightest thought that we can be super. Not in a sense that we can pick up tanks and throw them away when were mad or fly way above the clouds to escape our normal life but the mere idea of having a sense of control. We are smart and to some extent yes--we can control our life. Some people go around this by having a plan, we make decisions that would affect not just yourself but people around you, we look forward and invest our time to have a better chance in surviving whatever comes our way, but at the end of the day after all the planning and anticipation, just a simple twist of fate and you're as good as dead. On the other end of the spectrum, some people choose to not have a plan. There are those people who gets up in the morning waiting to be just blown away when destiny makes it move. Ironically, this kind of carefree outlook in life can only end in two ways--you either lived a full life with no regrets or the complete opposite.

On the context of this song and love per se is where I believe it's most evident how fragile we really are. It's when we think we are at our best and invincible when we are in fact the weakest. Our happiness completely dependent on the other person that feel the full load of pain when everything falls apart. Six billion people on the planet and yet there is no two individuals that are exactly like the other and people who are in relationship are bound to have their differences exposed one way or the other--fueled with emotions and pride and even love doesn't stand a chance. This song is generally sad however that's not the reason why I liked it. Looking on the positive side, after each fight and storms we are always left with a choice.

We have the choice either to
move on and leave everything behind or to move forward and start over.



Note: This post does not reflect the feeling of the blogger while writing it.(Just in case anybody asks). Though, I can't say I'm happy I am not in any way sad as well. I guess a simple "I'm ok" would say everything. Last song syndrome lang talaga. Medyo matagal na ako walang update kaya eto isang quick post.



July 14, 2009

You're The 1, Goldilocks!

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"One day in your life, you'll remember a place...someone touching your face, you'll come back and look around"

-One Day in Your Life Michael Jackson


I guess glancing through old photos on a rainy afternoon with that song playing on the background is all took for me to act on this impulse to write this post. After all, I've been feeling a bit sentimental these past few days perhaps because I know that "one day" in my life is once again drawing near.



I have nothing but great memories of my childhood and if there is one person whom I know I should be thanking right now--it's my mom. I am the "bunso" in the family and was often the object of jealousy from my "Ate" and "Kuya" because I was a "Mama's Boy". I guess it can't be helped given that I was different, maybe she felt that I needed the attention more than my older siblings who were 7 and 9 years old already when I was born. Also, I think the fact that I grew little over the years played in my favor because even at my early teens I was still as young looking and as hugggable as I was when I was 7 years old.



Being the favorite in the family, decisions are often made in my favor. From simple things like what to have for dinner, what to watch on T.V, what movie to rent, flavors of ice cream to buy and of course which cake to get from Goldilocks. In fact, we were consistent in buying only the chocolate rolls whenever there is special occasion or just a simple thirsts for sweets in the family. However, all that changed when one day, the Goldilocks in Sta, Ana Manila for some reason didn't have Chocolate Rolls and instead of going home empty handed--my mom decided to try another flavor--the dreaded Brazo De Mercedes. Everyone loved it except for me, I guess my tongue was still limited to the idea that everything chocolate is the best. That day is when I lost some of my voting powers. It was like that night Lord Voldemort lost all his powers when he tried to cast the killing curse on Harry. What is with that fluffy golden cake that made everyone impervious of my smiles and even my tears?


Suddenly loosing my charm means I had to be creative otherwise I'd have to endure the sight of them eating Brazo de Mercedes with complete satisfaction while I sulk in the corner pretending not to care. I couldn't bare my brother teasing me while he is taking in his last bite. It was then that I exclaimed with my then 7 year old voice the challenge to get first honors on the next grading period in school in exchange of getting a Chocolate Roll instead of Brazo De Mercedes which was now my mom's personal favorite. I wouldn't say it came easy but I'm proud to say I won the challenge, we got a Chocolate Roll like we used too the next time we stopped by Goldilocks. Ironically, it seemed as though I preferred the color of dirt--the black chocolate rather than the bright gold color of the Brazo De Mercedes for my prize. The promise of the treat after a long and tedious wait made the tastes even more enjoyable and soon what was once a petty challenge developed into some sort of a habit.



I've become a consistent honor student until I graduated. I've broken some school records and set some of my own in various fields like Journalism and History. That went on even when I was already in High School and in fact I was chosen to represent the country as foreign exchange student in the U.S where I graduated from High School.


When I heard the song "One Day In Your Life" today, I was suddenly reminded that next month is my going to be the 6th year death anniversary of my mother. It was her favorite song which I never got too appreciate when she was still alive. Just like those other little things she did for me that when now that I look back, I realize made all the difference to make sure that I could begin to tell you this story with the phrase "I have nothing but great memories of my childhood" . Her death was more of a shock to me more than anyone else and I could say that is one of the turning points of my life. From then on, my life was never the same and it seems that my childhood was a lifetime ago already. I was never good at showing my feelings to people I care for the most and perhaps that is why it was with her that I found it most difficult to express. It was never just about getting the Chocolate Roll every time I get good grades or win a contest. I knew that she would have gotten me those cakes even If I lost the bet. I knew she would have sacrificed her Brazo De Mercedes just so I could have my favorite treat. What makes the cake so much more delicious is that smile in her face whenever I'd tell her...

"Ma, nasaan na iyong Chocolate Roll ko?"

Goldilocks is a treat for all Filipinos in every sense of the word. The epitome of a true success story. No matter how foreign the name may sound, we all know that Goldilocks is proud of her native roots. An institution that has already became a part of our past, present and more certainly our future. A brand that doesn't just offer good food but the Filipino's heart that values the family and our culture. The name that comes first when talking about celebration and success, feast and birthdays, love and gratitude, family and friends.

Goldilocks you're the 1 because memories are made, rekindled and shared around you.






July 11, 2009

STARTING OVER

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Starting over--if you read my previous post which is already a month old (thanks to Smartbro), you'd know that's what I talked about. Finally, I was able to get back on my feet and move forward after being stagnant doing what I'd like to call soul-searching. Over six months of doing nothing--I realized that whatever that is that I'm looking for won't come so I had to go out--not necessarily to search for it but perhaps to just open up possibilities.

Hindi naman kami close ni tadhana pero hindi ko maintindihan bakit parating ako na lang iyong napapag-tripan niya? Alam kong kyut ako, pero hindi naman siguro sapat na dahilan iyon para ako na lang lagi ang napapansin niya.

Unang araw ng training, nagpakilala kaming lahat sa pamamagitan ng pagbibigay ng isang short self-description. Bagama't alam naman nating lahat na hindi sapat ang ilang minutong pagpapakilala sa sarili upang malaman natin ang mga bagay tungkol sa isang tao at masabi nating kilala na natin sila ay sapat na ang ilang sandaling iyon para makuha ang aking atensyon ng isa sa aking mga ka-wavemates.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero sobrang ganoon na lang ang aking naging interes sa kanyang karakter, isa siyang registered nurse na sa edad na 24 ayon sa kanya ay isa pa ring NBSB dahil noong medyo bata pa siya ay inakala niyang mas interes niya ang kapwa niya babae. Madali mo naman itong makikita sa kanyang pananamit dahil iba ito sa pang-karaniwang babae, hindi damit lalaki pero mapapansin mong naiiba ito sa karaniwang pananamit ng mga babaeng nasa edad niya. Maganda siya ngunit hindi ito kaagad mapapansin dahil sa palagi siyang may suot na salamin. Hindi naman sa pagiging stereotype--pero karaniwan sa hindi, alam natin na ang may salamin ay mahilig magbasa, matalino at well-versed kung iyong kakausapin at ito nga ang kaso sa kanya, bukod pa doon sa aking tahimik na pagmamasid ay nakita kong masayahin at mabait na tao, patunay na rito ang dami ng kanyang kaibigan kahit sa maikling panahon pa lamang ng training. Higit sa lahat, masaya ako sa tuwing nakikita ko siya at nakakausap na nagagawa ko lang kapag may ibang tao sa paligid dahil isa po akong TORPEDO. Akala ko nagbago na ako mula ng unang tumibok ang puso ko noong high-school dahil hindi naman mahirap sa aking ang maging madaling makagaananng loob ng mga babae, pero ngayon ko lang napagtanto na iba pa rin talaga ang tinatawag na "THE REAL THING".
Experience taught me that when someone like this comes along, they normally don't stay for long and if they do, they stay not because of me--I just happen to be there. I can't help but feel that she's too good for me. If you've read my some of my older posts, you'd know why and I--at this point of my life is clearly not at the best situation to get into something that can complicate things more. Though, I'm normally the type of person who doesn't leave things to chance because I hate wondering and asking myself "What if's.", I, this time however, decided not to entertain the feeling. I tried avoiding her as much as I can while at the same time trying to make the most out of the 1 month training. It's as ironic as it sounds, because I always come to work early--at least an hour early because I know she's going to be there but then I'd never really talk to her when we were alone, maybe not so much because we don't have anything to talk about or maybe because i was avoiding it, maybe it's just because I can't. In fact, I had wished that we won't be on the same team when they split our group because It would be harder for me to not completely fall for her.

Everything was going according to plan, except for the fact that I often text her nonsense things, (yeah, that's me I avoiding her, texting.) We were assigned teams, and we don't belong on the same group. I got what I wished for but I can't tell you that I'm happy about it either. I always knew it was going to be like that, it's fine because I'll still see her around anyway but then on the 3rd day of our last week on training, she told me as soon as I saw her early before the shift that she's going to resign to study for the NCLEX or whatever they call that board exam for nurses so she can work in the U.S. Then it hit me, did I make the right decision to be silent? To avoid her? Now that I only have to days to spend with her--actually not really spend with her but just to see her. Should I tell her? How can a story end when it haven't even started? I had no idea that day was going to be the last time I was going to see her, It was only when I got home when I realized that I should tell her, not that I expect her to say anything or that I have any agenda, I just feel like I should let it out of my system but just like that. She's gone.

I've always wanted to believe that destiny--for whatever it's worth allows things to happen for whatever that damn reason is. Everything happens for a reason, I've been told that many times and I admit to have said it to some people I know hoping that somehow that can make them feel better. Maybe, they do happen for a reason--finding out that reason or accepting them is however, an entirely different story.

Writing about how terrible I've been feeling these past few days because of this short story of mine isn't exactly the come back post I had in mind especially after I specifically wrote on my last post that I'm no longer depressed and that I'm looking forward to starting over. Nonetheless, It's still a post and yes, I'm back.

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