February 11, 2009

An Insane Impulse

I can't write. I haven't done any blog related thing for a few days now. I am just crazy about the fact that a girl asked me out on Valentines Day--a girl who I haven't seen for more than two years now--a girl who I've only met once asked me if I would consider going out with her on her first valentine date which coincidentally is my first valentines date as well. (I've been out with quite a lot of girls but nothing like this) I am going crazy because I'm afraid that I would be that person again who gets to mess up somebody's else's fairytale dreams. I don't want to be that person who will teach her how painful it is to love and not be loved back. I don't want to be that person who I haven't been for a long time now.

I am very surprised, really surprised not just because she asked me out but because when I asked her the only question in my head at that time...WHY ME? She said,

"Because I've waited long enough, and I am tired wondering because all I think about is you and since I no longer have to hold back, why not?

What drives me even more crazy is the fact that the only gal I’ve told and asked about this—who I think everyone should know is one of the closest to me and also the same girl I’ve been stupidly in-love with and crazy about for God knows how long now didn’t say a word about it—which is perfectly normal for her because she naturally don’t care about me and she is just being herself and I even told her it’s OK for her not to say anything.

I am going crazy not because It’s the first time a girl told me things like that, in fact it drives me crazy because I am told things like this again which is always hard to believe and totally unexpected. I am going crazy because once again I am presented with a chance of love and here I am, considering her over a another girl who offers to love me, for the 5th time now I am thinking of choosing her again.

Once again,

I am thinking of choosing to be miserable than maybe being happy,

I am thinking of choosing to be hopeless than maybe being contented,

I am thinking of choosing to be stupid than maybe being sure and secure.

I am thinking of choosing to stare at the ceiling every night wondering and not being able to sleep than maybe waking up in the morning with a smile.

I am thinking of choosing to be lonely than maybe growing old with somebody who loves me.

I am thinking of choosing to just dream of her than maybe being always with anybody else.

I am thinking of choosing just to love her than maybe having somebody love me completely.

All of these are just maybe’s because I am only sure of one thing right now and that is the fact that I love her, and I’d rather be all these terrible things loving her… than all the best things someone’s else' love has to offer. Yup! and I would not disagree if anyone would say this is the stupidest thing I can do but I've been stupid for a very long time now and I'm doing everything i can do so I can be sane again.

This is still a blog post (it means somebody might read this) , and I don't know when I can do it again. So Let me greet everyone A happy Valentine's Day in Advance!

You came along, unexpectedly
I was doing fine in my little world
Oh baby please don't get me wrong
'Cause I'm not complaining
But you see, you got my mind spinning

Why can't it be
Why can't it be the two of us
Why can't we be lovers
Only friends
You came along
At the wrong place, at the wrong time
Or was it me

Baby I dream of you every minute
You're in my dreams
You're always in it
That's the only place I know
Where you could be mine
And I'm yours (Baby I'm yours)
Only till I wake up

Why can't it be
Why can't it be the two of us
Why can't we be lovers
Only friends
You came along
At the wrong place, (you came along) at the wrong time
Or was it me

Why can't it be
Why can't it be the two of us
Why can't we be lovers
Only friends
You came along
At the wrong place, (you came along) at the wrong time
You came along at the wrong place
At the wrong time
Or was it me (Or was it me)

Why can't it be...

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=supergulaman= said...

why cant it be?...hayss...another love post.... weepeeee...oks lng yan... Happy Valentines.. :)

ORACLE said...

Well well....

It is always our right to choose...

As long as you're honestly happy then i guess being stupid is the best way to go...

If not, then i guess we should ask ourselves, what's keeping me from being happy? Could it be my self?

Why can't it be? hmmmm....
How could it be? That's the question...

You keep on thinking...
how about feelings for a change?

Goodluck! Happy V day! =)

jhosel said...

tsk. i dunno what to say. i feel for the girl na nag ask sayo out but then again its better to tell her early about how you feel kesa sa umasa xia. kasi its more painful. better na na you'll be THAT person. kesa otherwise.

as to how you feel for YOUR girl. sabi dun sa jap drama na napanood ko.. tho your love maybe one-sided. keep on loving as long as that feeling makes you happy and be a better person. for those who love, love will come in return.

cheer up!

Marlon said...

Super G, wag ka mag-alala matatapos din itong Balentayms Edition. Baka tapos na nga eh. lols! you'll know by the header. hahaha

ORACLE, you are right. Maybe I should start to feel rather than think. lols! hehehe Great comment. You made me think. thanks for the drop.

Jhosel, Exactly, That's what i always try to do. Tell them the truth because it's crazy if i leave them like that, above all people, ako iyong walang karapatan gawin iyon kahit kanino. thanks for the drop again.

ORACLE said...

God gave us a mind and a heart for unique reasons.
Where they meet is your soul. It leads you back to Him. Use them both. They may not always agree, but they do meet up in some point. Your conscience.

Thank you for dropping by.
Wonderful stuff you've got here...

Added you up...

See you around! Be Happy. You deserve it. =)

Rizza said...

Hi Marlon..you got me speechless on this one..dunno really what to say...But yeah, sometimes it's really hard to make a decision especially when it comes to love, it will drive you crazy til death.
One good thing I've learned about love is taking to account, i mean facing "what if's" and "if only". Almost two the same thing but different in real life...lols
Happy Valentine! Be Happy...

jEn said...

like that song..I can definitely relate on that one..

Marlon said...

Oracle, wow, thanks for the advice. I'd add you soon definitely.

Rizza, you're right what if's and if only are totally different. Thanks for the drop

Jen, thanks...

Pamela Tan said...

hi marlon. dropping by.

all I gotta say is, give yourself a chance. don't waste your time. :)

yeinie said...

helo :) i also feel for the girl who asked you out, but i also know how it feels to love someone and get nothing from it, pero hindi man nareciprocate ung love ko ayos lang :) happy hearts day :) i added you sa links ko add mine :D and walang prob sa pag post ng comment sayo hehe need ko lang pala irefresh ung sa akin :D

Marlon said...

Pam, thanks!

Yeinie, I just added yours too..I couldn't agree more with you're comment. btw, i find the title of your blog interesting. Untitled fairytale? it's nice!

Dylan Dimaubusan said...

Awww. ang cute cute naman ng post na'to Marlon.. Hanu ka ba???

This girl must be sweet.. and so kind.. Take a chance, take risk, take it.. Kakambal na ng love ang pain.. Ang mahalaga, you got to love and be loved by someone.

Ang pinakamasarap na feeling ay yung alam mong may nagmamahal sayo.. di ba?... hehe

Anu bang araw ngayon at bakit puro ganito ang nababsa ko ha, sabihin mo! anu! lolz

tipsyprincess said...

i feel for the girl but she'll appreciate honesty. Maybe go and have fun as friends. Malay mo, when you get to know her, she'll turn out to be more special pala..
Happy VAlentines day!

revsiopao said...

I'm speechless here bro.
Love is in the air...

Anyways, just follow the promptings of your heart.
Be honest.
Take the risks.
Choose to be happy always.

Belated Happy Valentine's Mr.Cute!

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